As I write this, it's been almost 2 weeks since I finished reading the Bible. The entire thing took me 79 days to finish - cover to cover. Several people have asked me what I think now that I've finished the whole thing. I decided I needed to take some time to think about it...let it sink in if you will, before I tried to make sense of my experience. I doubt it will ever fully make sense to me, but now that I've had some time and space away from the experience, I guess now is as good a time as any for some final thoughts.
1) I'm glad I did it, but I don't know that I'll ever do it again. I learned a lot. Knowing the history of my faith definitely filled in a lot of question marks about why certain aspects of Christianity, and Judaism for that matter, came into being. I have a much better background of the people, places and events that shaped the things Christians believe to be true today. That being said, this was not an easy undertaking - either time wise or emotionally. I'm glad I took on the challenge but I think once might just be enough for me.
2) Reading the entire Bible is kind of like taking medicine. It's good for you but it might not always be pleasant. I faced some real hard truths in reading the Bible. A lot of the things in there were hard to read and even harder to accept. It challenged my faith in several ways. Though I've not completely made peace with all the things I learned, I can accept that my human brain cannot fully understand Divine reasoning. That will have to be enough for now.
3) Your experience reading the Bible reflects what is going on in your life at the time. Ok - I don't know that this is absolutely true but I surmise it is for most people. I know I was reading the Bible through a lens of my own issues. I never expected that the things that I was working through in my non-church life would bleed into how I interpreted the Bible. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. My struggles with trust and control constantly shaped how I interpreted the reading. Or maybe the reading illustrated my struggles with these things. In any event, the two could not be separated. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that He knows every little thing I struggle with and He can help me deal with it. He might be telling me this but I don't know how often I hear it.
So yes, after reading the entire Bible,I know more than I did 3 months ago. And yes, I faced some challenges to my faith as a result of reading the Bible. But in the end, here's what I realized. The Christian faith is all about one's personal relationship with God. What happened between God and the people in the Bible is all good for me know and learn from, but my relationship with God is unique to us. The way God dealt with the people in the Bible is not necessarily the way He will work in my life.
All that being said, here's what I think. It all comes down to your personal relationship with God. It may not always be easy but as long as your good with that relationship, all is good.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wait - what?
Granted, as I've mentioned before, I am not a Biblical scholar, but below is my main thought about the book of Revelations.
This must be what a bad acid trip is like.
This must be what a bad acid trip is like.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Allllmost Made It....
Though I hate the term and all the cliche stereotypes that come with it, I am a bit of a feminist. Pretty much everyone knows that things weren't all that good for women in the Bible. I knew that going in. I prepared myself for it and steeled myself against my gut reactions when I read things that made me angry and sad for the women that didn't get to experience the lifestyle I do.
I've been so impressed that I haven't yet railed on the injustices against women in Bible. I'm 4 days away from finishing reading the entire Bible and I almost made it. Almost but not quite.
I've heard about the parts of the Bible that describe a woman's role in the church...which would be no role at all. And it made me angry but nothing quite prepared me for reading the words, supposedly from God Himself, in harsh black and white type.
1 Timothy 2:11-12
"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man; she must be silent."
There's not much I can say as a response to that - except this: I've known some amazing woman ministers. To silence them would be to rob us of a gift from God.
I've been so impressed that I haven't yet railed on the injustices against women in Bible. I'm 4 days away from finishing reading the entire Bible and I almost made it. Almost but not quite.
I've heard about the parts of the Bible that describe a woman's role in the church...which would be no role at all. And it made me angry but nothing quite prepared me for reading the words, supposedly from God Himself, in harsh black and white type.
1 Timothy 2:11-12
"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man; she must be silent."
There's not much I can say as a response to that - except this: I've known some amazing woman ministers. To silence them would be to rob us of a gift from God.
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Bachelor: Jerusalem
So here's something I never thought I'd consider: how is the apostle Paul like George Clooney? Apparently they are both against marriage. Here are some of Paul's thoughts on the subject.
1 Corinthians 7:1 "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry..."
1 Corinthians 7:8 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am."
1 Corinthians 7:27 "...Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife"
1 Corinthians 7:28 "...But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
The ironic thing about this? The most commonly used wedding verse comes from this same book of the Bible.
1 Corinthians 7:1 "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry..."
1 Corinthians 7:8 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am."
1 Corinthians 7:27 "...Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife"
1 Corinthians 7:28 "...But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
The ironic thing about this? The most commonly used wedding verse comes from this same book of the Bible.
Losing a Friend
I really enjoyed the Gospels. For me, it seemed the mood in Matthew, Mark. Luke and John was happy. Jesus had finally come, even though the people of the time did not exactly know that. To any Christian, I think Jesus is the symbol of their faith. I'm no different in that respect. And this was what the big buildup was all about.
In these 4 books, it's like you meet a new friend whom you discover you've come to love. You relish the moments you get to spend with him and are excited to learn more about him. Hearing what he has to say is a pleasure and you find yourself wanting more. I didn't care for the large amount of repetition (It seemed Matthew, Mark, Luke and John could have just divvied up the parables instead of all of them reporting on everything. Maybe they couldn't decide who would write what.) but that was my only complaint.
But then, as is often the case in life, it all comes to an end. In Acts, Jesus is taken up to Heaven and no longer physically with the people on Earth. I found this book to be similar to losing a friend. I've lost a lot of people in my life, whether it be to death or simply moves to faraway places and I noticed that reading the books after the Gospels, I felt a familiar sadness that comes with losing someone I love. As I was reading Acts and Romans, I couldn't help but think of the "good old days" of reading the Gospels when Jesus was among the people. It made me sad to continue reading because the good part was already over.
I've noticed that now, even more than when I was struggling through the Old Testament, I just want to be done. I don't want to read any more. Thankfully, I don't have much more to read. But I have a feeling getting through the next 75 pages might be even harder than getting through the first 973 was.
In these 4 books, it's like you meet a new friend whom you discover you've come to love. You relish the moments you get to spend with him and are excited to learn more about him. Hearing what he has to say is a pleasure and you find yourself wanting more. I didn't care for the large amount of repetition (It seemed Matthew, Mark, Luke and John could have just divvied up the parables instead of all of them reporting on everything. Maybe they couldn't decide who would write what.) but that was my only complaint.
But then, as is often the case in life, it all comes to an end. In Acts, Jesus is taken up to Heaven and no longer physically with the people on Earth. I found this book to be similar to losing a friend. I've lost a lot of people in my life, whether it be to death or simply moves to faraway places and I noticed that reading the books after the Gospels, I felt a familiar sadness that comes with losing someone I love. As I was reading Acts and Romans, I couldn't help but think of the "good old days" of reading the Gospels when Jesus was among the people. It made me sad to continue reading because the good part was already over.
I've noticed that now, even more than when I was struggling through the Old Testament, I just want to be done. I don't want to read any more. Thankfully, I don't have much more to read. But I have a feeling getting through the next 75 pages might be even harder than getting through the first 973 was.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Finish Line is in Sight
As I write this, I have only 2 weeks left of reading to finish the Bible. That kind of made me stop and think a bit. Have I changed at all in the last 9 weeks? Maybe. Am I a different person? Probably not. Is that ok? Yeah - I think so.
Pastor Becca recently told me she was surprised that I decided to take part in reading the Bible in 90 days. Honestly, so am I. After all these days and all these pages, I'm still not sure why I decided to do it. I kind of wish I did. Was I looking for something? And if I was, did I find it? I don't know if I'll have answers to these questions anytime soon. Maybe this is something I'll need some distance to discover.
In the meantime, I have about 200 more pages to get through first.
Pastor Becca recently told me she was surprised that I decided to take part in reading the Bible in 90 days. Honestly, so am I. After all these days and all these pages, I'm still not sure why I decided to do it. I kind of wish I did. Was I looking for something? And if I was, did I find it? I don't know if I'll have answers to these questions anytime soon. Maybe this is something I'll need some distance to discover.
In the meantime, I have about 200 more pages to get through first.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Valued
I've just started reading Matthew and already I like it much better than anything I read in the Old Testament. And yes, part of the reason is that the material is easier to read. And yes, the stories are familiar ones that I heard as a kid, but there's something else.
Not being one that's comfortable with talking about, or even dealing with, feelings...this realization took me by surprise but I think I like this book because of how it (Eeek!) makes me feel. This book actually makes one feel like they have value to someone or something else.
In Matthew 10:31 Jesus is giving his disciples instructions and one of the examples he gives is about sparrows that were apparently a bargain item back in the day at the price of 2 for a penny (or 2 for a Greek assarion - which is weird because American money and Greek money wouldn't seem to be the currency that comes to mind in the Middle East in Biblical times but what do I know?). Then Jesus says, "...you are worth more than many sparrows." And later in Matthew 12:12, after someone was testing him about healing someone on the Sabbath, Jesus tells a parable about rescuing a sheep that falls into a pit. He says, "How much more valuable is a man than a sheep!"
After 809 pages of reading about a vengeful, punishing and seemingly arbitrary God, it's a nice change of pace to see His "softer" side. But there is more to it for me. It's refreshing, maybe even comforting, to be told you have value. I'm sure there are people that think I have value. Intellectually, I know this. But a lot of times I don't necessarily feel it. People really don't say that kind of thing to each other much. It probably isn't too far-fetched to say that one of the reasons I'm so addicted to achieving is that is how I feel I have value - I can do this or I can do that so I'm worthy of taking up space.
As hard as one might try, you can't earn value from achievements. It's nice to be told once in a while that you don't have to.
Not being one that's comfortable with talking about, or even dealing with, feelings...this realization took me by surprise but I think I like this book because of how it (Eeek!) makes me feel. This book actually makes one feel like they have value to someone or something else.
In Matthew 10:31 Jesus is giving his disciples instructions and one of the examples he gives is about sparrows that were apparently a bargain item back in the day at the price of 2 for a penny (or 2 for a Greek assarion - which is weird because American money and Greek money wouldn't seem to be the currency that comes to mind in the Middle East in Biblical times but what do I know?). Then Jesus says, "...you are worth more than many sparrows." And later in Matthew 12:12, after someone was testing him about healing someone on the Sabbath, Jesus tells a parable about rescuing a sheep that falls into a pit. He says, "How much more valuable is a man than a sheep!"
After 809 pages of reading about a vengeful, punishing and seemingly arbitrary God, it's a nice change of pace to see His "softer" side. But there is more to it for me. It's refreshing, maybe even comforting, to be told you have value. I'm sure there are people that think I have value. Intellectually, I know this. But a lot of times I don't necessarily feel it. People really don't say that kind of thing to each other much. It probably isn't too far-fetched to say that one of the reasons I'm so addicted to achieving is that is how I feel I have value - I can do this or I can do that so I'm worthy of taking up space.
As hard as one might try, you can't earn value from achievements. It's nice to be told once in a while that you don't have to.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Now on to the Good Stuff?
I have now finished reading the entire Old Testament - and in 60 days flat. (It should be noted that the reading plan called for 68 days but as I've pointed out before, I'm a bit of an over achiever.) I'm so relieved to be done with the OT. As I mentioned a time or two, I did not enjoy it. Sure, there are a lots of genealogies, endless measurements using cubits and shekels, and the constant referring to of women as either prostitutes or quarrelsome wives, but I could get past all that.
The bigger issue for me was the picture of God that we get in the Old Testament. Why do some people get grace and others don't? What can the average person do to ensure that he or she is chosen, favored, saved or even tolerated by God? I've written about specific examples before and I'm not going to rehash that, but the point is, reading the Old Testament has challenged my faith.
When I started this endeavor, I didn't think it would change my life much in any way. If it did somehow change something, I assumed it would make my faith grow, become stronger. I did not anticipate the anger and disappointment I experienced when I really learned, as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest of the story." And with that anger and disappointment comes guilt. I feel guilty about being disrespectful to God. It seems blasphemous.
But here's the deal: apparently challenging your faith can be a good thing. Examining what you believe and why can apparently make your faith stronger in the end. A wise person recently put it in terms I could understand. She said "If you keep running the same distance and the same pace, you're never going run any farther or faster. If you challenge yourself, it'll suck for a while. It will hurt. But you'll be stronger and faster in the long run."
Ok. I get it. But that doesn't mean I'm not still hoping the "good stuff" is coming in the New Testament.
The bigger issue for me was the picture of God that we get in the Old Testament. Why do some people get grace and others don't? What can the average person do to ensure that he or she is chosen, favored, saved or even tolerated by God? I've written about specific examples before and I'm not going to rehash that, but the point is, reading the Old Testament has challenged my faith.
When I started this endeavor, I didn't think it would change my life much in any way. If it did somehow change something, I assumed it would make my faith grow, become stronger. I did not anticipate the anger and disappointment I experienced when I really learned, as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest of the story." And with that anger and disappointment comes guilt. I feel guilty about being disrespectful to God. It seems blasphemous.
But here's the deal: apparently challenging your faith can be a good thing. Examining what you believe and why can apparently make your faith stronger in the end. A wise person recently put it in terms I could understand. She said "If you keep running the same distance and the same pace, you're never going run any farther or faster. If you challenge yourself, it'll suck for a while. It will hurt. But you'll be stronger and faster in the long run."
Ok. I get it. But that doesn't mean I'm not still hoping the "good stuff" is coming in the New Testament.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Being a Prophet is Thankless Work
I'm starting to feel like I'm back in graduate school. There's always "homework" hanging over my head these days. Every day, I have to plan my day around when I can get my 12 pages of reading done. If I know I have plans after work, I try to read over lunch. If I know I have lunch plans, I get up early and read before work. That blows, by the way. I am so not a morning person - but I digress. The really fun days are those in which something happens I hadn't prepared for in advance and I have to scramble to find a suitable reading time replacement. And I only have my own schedule to arrange. I can't imagine how people with small children are doing this, but I give them props.
Though I complain from time to time about getting all this reading done in a short span of time, I can at least thank my lucky stars that I am not a prophet. Those poor dudes had it rough. I didn't even know there was a section of the Bible devoted to prophets but I've spent the last 180 or so pages reading about them (and still have more to go) and have learned a couple things about being a prophet:
1) They have a lot of scary-ass visions. It'd be enough to make me not want to sleep again for the rest of my natural life.
2) The messages they communicated with the people fell on deaf ears.
Every.
Time.
It's amazing they had the tenacity to keep trying to reach these "stiff necked" people. You gotta give 'em credit for trying.
3) When someone really doesn't want to hear their message, they should be afraid. Very afraid. Prophesying the truth landed them in jail and sometimes worse. Turns out, if you're the king and you don't like what the prophet says, you just kill the messenger. Literally.
In a recent sermon, Pastor Becca said that the prophets are sometimes described as the manic, the depressive and the chaotic. I'd not really realized it at the time (my mind tended to wander a bit during the prophets) but that's a pretty good description. Isaiah was very, um, high energy. Jeremiah was very "woe is me, woe is you, woe are we." And I think Ezekiel was in need of some lithium. The one thing they all had in common, though, was their purpose. God chose them to try to reach God's people - to tell them to stop screwing up or they were going to be screwed. Well, I think we all know what happened.
And then there's Daniel. I like Daniel. He too has scary-ass visions but he seems different from the previous 3 guys. I don't know why. Daniel seems like a good guy. His faith never wavered and so far he hasn't killed the husband of a woman he slept with so already I like him much better than David. In any event, I can tell that we're definitely building up to something by this point in the Bible. I'm ready for it.
I'm ready to start reading about the God I know.
Though I complain from time to time about getting all this reading done in a short span of time, I can at least thank my lucky stars that I am not a prophet. Those poor dudes had it rough. I didn't even know there was a section of the Bible devoted to prophets but I've spent the last 180 or so pages reading about them (and still have more to go) and have learned a couple things about being a prophet:
1) They have a lot of scary-ass visions. It'd be enough to make me not want to sleep again for the rest of my natural life.
2) The messages they communicated with the people fell on deaf ears.
Every.
Time.
It's amazing they had the tenacity to keep trying to reach these "stiff necked" people. You gotta give 'em credit for trying.
3) When someone really doesn't want to hear their message, they should be afraid. Very afraid. Prophesying the truth landed them in jail and sometimes worse. Turns out, if you're the king and you don't like what the prophet says, you just kill the messenger. Literally.
In a recent sermon, Pastor Becca said that the prophets are sometimes described as the manic, the depressive and the chaotic. I'd not really realized it at the time (my mind tended to wander a bit during the prophets) but that's a pretty good description. Isaiah was very, um, high energy. Jeremiah was very "woe is me, woe is you, woe are we." And I think Ezekiel was in need of some lithium. The one thing they all had in common, though, was their purpose. God chose them to try to reach God's people - to tell them to stop screwing up or they were going to be screwed. Well, I think we all know what happened.
And then there's Daniel. I like Daniel. He too has scary-ass visions but he seems different from the previous 3 guys. I don't know why. Daniel seems like a good guy. His faith never wavered and so far he hasn't killed the husband of a woman he slept with so already I like him much better than David. In any event, I can tell that we're definitely building up to something by this point in the Bible. I'm ready for it.
I'm ready to start reading about the God I know.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The Original Nagging Wife
Seeing as how I was not unduly impressed with Psalms (blasphemy!), I was ready to move on. I'd never really thought about Proverbs much. Now I know why. This book seems to be basically a list of advice, except very little of it makes sense today. I'm sure these proverbs were wise words of wisdom that meant a lot to people 2000 or so years ago, but frankly, I didn't get the gist most of the time. That's not to say there weren't some proverbs that I took note of, marked and thought I might go back to later.
Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may ache..."
Proverbs 16:31 "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life."
Proverbs 27:19 "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."
Some were just funny...
Proverbs 25:17 "Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house - too much of you, and he will hate you."
But the thing I remember most is how much attention is given to the nagging wife. I thought the idea of the nagging wife was invented by the modern comedian - the type who's bread and butter was "Take my wife...please!" Turns out though, even in the Bible the wife gets a bad rap.
Proverbs 18:13 "A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping."
Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."
Proverbs 25:24 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
Proverbs 27:15 "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind and grasping oil with the hand."
Really? I have some news for the husbands back in the day. I'm sure sharing a life with a long-bearded, wine-drinking, sheep-smelling guy like you isn't all roses either. But telling you that would most definitely make me a quarrelsome wife.
So long story...really long story...short, reading Proverbs beginning to end was not exactly riveting reading. (Oddly enough, some times it seemed like I was reading Benjamins Franklin's writing on virtues.) But when I go back and look through the book again though, I do find some hidden gems.
I guess when you're so ferociously focused on an end goal (reading the entire Bible in 90 days) you risk missing out on the experience.
Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may ache..."
Proverbs 16:31 "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life."
Proverbs 27:19 "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."
Some were just funny...
Proverbs 25:17 "Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house - too much of you, and he will hate you."
But the thing I remember most is how much attention is given to the nagging wife. I thought the idea of the nagging wife was invented by the modern comedian - the type who's bread and butter was "Take my wife...please!" Turns out though, even in the Bible the wife gets a bad rap.
Proverbs 18:13 "A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping."
Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."
Proverbs 25:24 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
Proverbs 27:15 "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind and grasping oil with the hand."
Really? I have some news for the husbands back in the day. I'm sure sharing a life with a long-bearded, wine-drinking, sheep-smelling guy like you isn't all roses either. But telling you that would most definitely make me a quarrelsome wife.
So long story...really long story...short, reading Proverbs beginning to end was not exactly riveting reading. (Oddly enough, some times it seemed like I was reading Benjamins Franklin's writing on virtues.) But when I go back and look through the book again though, I do find some hidden gems.
I guess when you're so ferociously focused on an end goal (reading the entire Bible in 90 days) you risk missing out on the experience.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Am I Missing Something?
I've often heard that people really like the Psalms. Many people have a favorite or two - a Psalm that helps them remember what's important, gets them through the rough stuff, or helps them appreciate the good stuff. So as I was preparing to read the Book of Psalms, I was ready to find my favorites.
Do you know what I found? Nothing.
Not one Psalm spoke to me all that much. The discussion guide I bought to along with my reading said I should take note of Psalms that speak to me so I can refer back to them later when I need them or want to explore them more deeply. (We're on a tight reading time frame here - no time to think too much.) There was nothing I really felt I wanted to go back to. In Psalm 37, there was a line that jumped out to me and I underlined it, but it seemed more like a reminder than anything I wanted to ruminate on much. Most people that know me know that I'm quick to anger, so verse 8 that says "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil," was a nice reminder but not much more than that.
I guess I'm hard-hearted. Seriously - nothing in these 78 pages spoke to me? Some people have such emotional reactions to the Psalms, and granted, I'm not much of an emotional person, but nothing? Really?
Do you know what I found? Nothing.
Not one Psalm spoke to me all that much. The discussion guide I bought to along with my reading said I should take note of Psalms that speak to me so I can refer back to them later when I need them or want to explore them more deeply. (We're on a tight reading time frame here - no time to think too much.) There was nothing I really felt I wanted to go back to. In Psalm 37, there was a line that jumped out to me and I underlined it, but it seemed more like a reminder than anything I wanted to ruminate on much. Most people that know me know that I'm quick to anger, so verse 8 that says "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil," was a nice reminder but not much more than that.
I guess I'm hard-hearted. Seriously - nothing in these 78 pages spoke to me? Some people have such emotional reactions to the Psalms, and granted, I'm not much of an emotional person, but nothing? Really?
Halfway There
I have now read half of the Bible. Let's just take a second and think about that for minute. Impressed? Me too.
I never in my life thought I would ever do this. And while that's a lofty accomplishment, it's not enough. I WILL complete this challenge. I WILL read then entire Bible in 90 days (or less - I've always been a bit of an overachiever you know). Despite the hard realities that this exercise has forced me to face and the fact that it brings up some of my own personal demons, I will be successful. I might not have any answers to the questions it brings up. I may not have the big "aha" moment or insights I thought about when I started, but I WILL do this.
Who knows - this may be the groundwork I need to accept things that come my way later in life. Though this exercise has unexpectedly challenged my faith, I still believe that God has a plan for me and maybe my reading the entire Bible will allow that plan to come to fruition...someday.
I never in my life thought I would ever do this. And while that's a lofty accomplishment, it's not enough. I WILL complete this challenge. I WILL read then entire Bible in 90 days (or less - I've always been a bit of an overachiever you know). Despite the hard realities that this exercise has forced me to face and the fact that it brings up some of my own personal demons, I will be successful. I might not have any answers to the questions it brings up. I may not have the big "aha" moment or insights I thought about when I started, but I WILL do this.
Who knows - this may be the groundwork I need to accept things that come my way later in life. Though this exercise has unexpectedly challenged my faith, I still believe that God has a plan for me and maybe my reading the entire Bible will allow that plan to come to fruition...someday.
I belive! Help my unbelief.
After struggling with my reading for several weeks, I finally found the guts to voice my concerns in email to Pastor Becca. I went back and forth being angry and feeling guilty about being angry so I confided in Becca to see if she had any thoughts.
This is basically what Becca had to say:
A couple of thoughts…
You make an absolutely vital point when you say:
This is basically what Becca had to say:
A couple of thoughts…
You make an absolutely vital point when you say:
"It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard?"
It IS unfair how it seems in the Old Testament how God gives grace to some and not others. The hard-to-understand truth about our faith is that we CAN'T earn God's favor. David didn't deserve it. Neither did Uzzah. Or any of them. Why God chooses some over others in the Old Testament is completely beyond our understanding, but even that is an act of extreme grace. Not a one of them deserved to be chosen. It was simply by God's undeserved grace.
But lest we get too upset over the unfairness of it all, we have to remember that the God we're reading about in the Old Testament is the same God whom we read about in the New… the God "who so loved the world that He sent his only son, that whosoever believes in him might have everlasting life."
God's intention, starting all the way back in the beginning, is that the whole world would be chosen, favored, saved. I don't claim to understand God's methods all the time, but I believe in the motive.
That's a prayer I pray often. I believe. Help my unbelief. And I would encourage you to pray in that direction too. Think about the things you DO believe. Hold on to those things. And ask God to help you understand and believe in the things that you're not so sure about right now.
Though I've been a Christian my entire life, I never went beneath the surface much - that's how I like things. This exercise, though, has forced me to have to examine my faith in a different way and I wasn't prepared for that.
The Real Challenge
When I embarked on this reading the Bible in 90 days things, I thought the biggest challenge was going to be finding the time to read 1048 pages in 90 days. I was wrong. It turns out the bigger challenge for me is dealing with the content of what I'm reading.
I haven't written anything recently because I'm having a hard time consolidating the God I thought I knew growing up with the God I'm reading about in the Old Testament. I've struggled with our readings almost from day 1. I've never really read the Bible at all before so it's virtually all new to me. I've found that this reading is challenging my faith more than strengthening it. Intellectually, I know that I cannot not judge what is "right" and what isn't, but I find myself angry after reading almost every day.
I get that David is an example of how God loves us even though we are flawed. What I don't get is why some people are not only forgiven for huge transgressions, but are also exalted despite them while others seem to be punished for much less. Aaron's sons are example - their mistake seemed minor and they were immediately struck down. Moses was faithful in almost everything he did yet was not allowed in the promised land. This guy Uzzah in 1 Chron 13 merely touched the Ark to prevent it from falling of an ox and he was struck dead immediately. It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard? I keep thinking that something will happen that will make me feel better about this but now that I'm halfway through the Bible and nothing has changed, I feel a little lost.
Is my reaction common with people reading the Bible the first time? Or maybe my faith isn't strong enough at this point to get something out of reading the Bible? I feel bad about being so angry about the reading but I can't help my reaction. I never would have guessed that the hardest part about reading the Bible wouldn't be the time commitment, but what I was learning.
I haven't written anything recently because I'm having a hard time consolidating the God I thought I knew growing up with the God I'm reading about in the Old Testament. I've struggled with our readings almost from day 1. I've never really read the Bible at all before so it's virtually all new to me. I've found that this reading is challenging my faith more than strengthening it. Intellectually, I know that I cannot not judge what is "right" and what isn't, but I find myself angry after reading almost every day.
I get that David is an example of how God loves us even though we are flawed. What I don't get is why some people are not only forgiven for huge transgressions, but are also exalted despite them while others seem to be punished for much less. Aaron's sons are example - their mistake seemed minor and they were immediately struck down. Moses was faithful in almost everything he did yet was not allowed in the promised land. This guy Uzzah in 1 Chron 13 merely touched the Ark to prevent it from falling of an ox and he was struck dead immediately. It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard? I keep thinking that something will happen that will make me feel better about this but now that I'm halfway through the Bible and nothing has changed, I feel a little lost.
Is my reaction common with people reading the Bible the first time? Or maybe my faith isn't strong enough at this point to get something out of reading the Bible? I feel bad about being so angry about the reading but I can't help my reaction. I never would have guessed that the hardest part about reading the Bible wouldn't be the time commitment, but what I was learning.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Flawed
Sunday school did me a disservice. I went to Sunday school for roughly 15 years and learned all sorts of stories from the Bible. But here's the thing - it was mostly a bunch of crap. Ok, maybe that a bit harsh. It was all whitewashed. While that makes sense for when you're young, it seems to me that at some point they should let you in on the harsh realities of the Bible. Maybe then you'd be more prepared for the harsh realities of life.
A prime example of this whitewashing is David. Both 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel are basically about David. I've always thought of David as being a good and righteous man. As a young, scrawny kid he was victorious over the mighty Goliath, who's name is now synonymous with huge, with just a slingshot. We were taught that this was possible because God had chosen him to be great. We then see that because God was with David, he was able to defeat the Amalekites, Philistines, Moabites, Arameans and Edomites, and probably a bunch of other people that I missed. God assures David that his name will be made great.
But guess what? Turns out David is just another flawed, messed up person. He saw a woman he thought was a hottie, slept with her, got her pregnant and then decided he needed to fix his "situation" by trying to get hottie's husband to come back from the war for a conjugal visit. When hottie's husband refused, David basically kills the poor guy and takes his wife for himself. He orders that Uriah be in the front line of a battle where the fighting is fiercest, pretty much sealing his fate. God is not happy with David. But God is still with him. He protects David from Saul, who tries to kill him many, many times in many, many places.
The story of David is disappointing. I thought he was a "good guy," and maybe he mostly was. But he made a pretty big mistake. I wished I would have been taught the good and the bad about this guy. We go through life learning about "heroes" - whether they are the people in the Bible or people from history. But we only learn the good things about these people. We learn Moses led his people out of Egypt but we don't learn he ticked God off enough that he didn't get to the promised land with them. We learn FDR was the architect of the New Deal but we don't learn he had a mistress, kept her near him when he was in the White House and made his wife live near her. We learn that JFK helped the US avoid a nuclear crisis but we don't learn how many girlfriends he had while he was married. We learn David defeated Goliath but we don't learn he kills a guy for practically no reason. When we only learn the good things about people, we're being conditioned to admire them. A lot of times these people aren't worthy of being admired.
I admit that I have high expectations of people. I want them to make good decisions. I want them to good to the people in their lives. I want them to be responsible and sensitive to the needs of others. And I'm almost always disappointed.
So even though I was disappointed in David when I finally learned the whole truth about him, maybe it's actually a good thing. Stories like this show us that people are flawed, even the ones that God chooses. This is a lesson I could stand to learn. Just because people make a mistake or don't behave as you'd like them to, it doesn't mean they aren't good people. If God can still love them, the least I can do is try to do the same.
A prime example of this whitewashing is David. Both 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel are basically about David. I've always thought of David as being a good and righteous man. As a young, scrawny kid he was victorious over the mighty Goliath, who's name is now synonymous with huge, with just a slingshot. We were taught that this was possible because God had chosen him to be great. We then see that because God was with David, he was able to defeat the Amalekites, Philistines, Moabites, Arameans and Edomites, and probably a bunch of other people that I missed. God assures David that his name will be made great.
But guess what? Turns out David is just another flawed, messed up person. He saw a woman he thought was a hottie, slept with her, got her pregnant and then decided he needed to fix his "situation" by trying to get hottie's husband to come back from the war for a conjugal visit. When hottie's husband refused, David basically kills the poor guy and takes his wife for himself. He orders that Uriah be in the front line of a battle where the fighting is fiercest, pretty much sealing his fate. God is not happy with David. But God is still with him. He protects David from Saul, who tries to kill him many, many times in many, many places.
The story of David is disappointing. I thought he was a "good guy," and maybe he mostly was. But he made a pretty big mistake. I wished I would have been taught the good and the bad about this guy. We go through life learning about "heroes" - whether they are the people in the Bible or people from history. But we only learn the good things about these people. We learn Moses led his people out of Egypt but we don't learn he ticked God off enough that he didn't get to the promised land with them. We learn FDR was the architect of the New Deal but we don't learn he had a mistress, kept her near him when he was in the White House and made his wife live near her. We learn that JFK helped the US avoid a nuclear crisis but we don't learn how many girlfriends he had while he was married. We learn David defeated Goliath but we don't learn he kills a guy for practically no reason. When we only learn the good things about people, we're being conditioned to admire them. A lot of times these people aren't worthy of being admired.
I admit that I have high expectations of people. I want them to make good decisions. I want them to good to the people in their lives. I want them to be responsible and sensitive to the needs of others. And I'm almost always disappointed.
So even though I was disappointed in David when I finally learned the whole truth about him, maybe it's actually a good thing. Stories like this show us that people are flawed, even the ones that God chooses. This is a lesson I could stand to learn. Just because people make a mistake or don't behave as you'd like them to, it doesn't mean they aren't good people. If God can still love them, the least I can do is try to do the same.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Fighting
I think I'm probably missing the deeper meaning of a lot of what I'm reading. Part of that is due to me and part of that is due to the reading plan - reading the entire Bible in 90 days is quite aggressive and doesn't leave time for much reflection. Whatever the reason, I basically see a lot of the same thing throughout Joshua, Judges, Ruth and 1 Samuel. Here's where we are: the Israelites finally reach the promised land. Once they get there they have to kick the former inhabitants out - which means a lot of fighting a lot of people. In between various wars and attacks, the chosen people resume their evil ways by worshiping idols or not completely destroying their plunder. Then they cry out to the Lord and are forgiven and the whole cycle starts over again. How's that for a Cliff's Notes version of 3 books of the Bible?
At this point I've finished 20 days of reading (I'm 3 days ahead!) and I hate to admit it, but I resent the amount of time this is taking. How selfish is that? I only have to read 12 pages a day, and yes, that takes about 45 minutes to read, but it's only 45 minutes a day. But resent it I do. I'd rather go out with my friends, get in a decent workout, or work through lunch to get more stuff done. Heck, some days I find that watching something on TV is more of a priority. I have to force myself stop and think about all that God has given me and when I think that spending 45 minutes a day with the Scriptures is an imposition, I am ashamed. Not normally ashamed enough to have a different attitude, however. In that respect, how different am I from the Israelites who can't seem to learn from their mistakes?
With all the differences that exist between my life and that of the people I'm reading about, and though my battles aren't with neighboring people but within myself, I'm a lot more like the Israelites than I originally thought. We're both still fighting.
At this point I've finished 20 days of reading (I'm 3 days ahead!) and I hate to admit it, but I resent the amount of time this is taking. How selfish is that? I only have to read 12 pages a day, and yes, that takes about 45 minutes to read, but it's only 45 minutes a day. But resent it I do. I'd rather go out with my friends, get in a decent workout, or work through lunch to get more stuff done. Heck, some days I find that watching something on TV is more of a priority. I have to force myself stop and think about all that God has given me and when I think that spending 45 minutes a day with the Scriptures is an imposition, I am ashamed. Not normally ashamed enough to have a different attitude, however. In that respect, how different am I from the Israelites who can't seem to learn from their mistakes?
With all the differences that exist between my life and that of the people I'm reading about, and though my battles aren't with neighboring people but within myself, I'm a lot more like the Israelites than I originally thought. We're both still fighting.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Listen to Me One More Time
Here's how I see the book of Deuteronomy - it's basically a final set of instructions from Moses to the chosen people. It comes across very similar to a scene of parents dropping their child off at college and reminding them of everything they've been taught the previous 18 years. Moses is not telling his people anything new. He knows his time is limited. He won't go into the promised land. The closest thing the poor guy gets is to go up to the top of Mt. Pisgah and look at it from afar. But before his people can go on without him, Moses needs to remind them of all the things they've been instructed to do, and not to do. He even repeats the 10 Commandments.
I can almost feel Moses' urgency in giving these final lessons. With the benefit of hindsight, I know these people are not going to uphold their end of the deal with God. Does Moses know this too? It seems like it. He desperately wants his people to keep their covenant with God. They won't.
After giving the people one last reminder that their future is up to them, Moses sanctions Joshua to take his place, blesses the tribes, sends them on their way to complete the task started 40 years earlier, and dies on Mt. Nebo.
Why are lessons so hard to learn? Why do we struggle to do the right thing? It's easy for me to read these books and look down my nose on these people that seem to be very slow learners. But 3400 years later, have we learned anything?
I can almost feel Moses' urgency in giving these final lessons. With the benefit of hindsight, I know these people are not going to uphold their end of the deal with God. Does Moses know this too? It seems like it. He desperately wants his people to keep their covenant with God. They won't.
After giving the people one last reminder that their future is up to them, Moses sanctions Joshua to take his place, blesses the tribes, sends them on their way to complete the task started 40 years earlier, and dies on Mt. Nebo.
Why are lessons so hard to learn? Why do we struggle to do the right thing? It's easy for me to read these books and look down my nose on these people that seem to be very slow learners. But 3400 years later, have we learned anything?
Count 'Em...Now Count 'Em Again
Fresh off of the dry book of Leviticus, we find ourselves in Numbers and to my great disappointment, things don't get any more interesting any time soon. The first half of Numbers describes the census. We get counts of the descendants of the 12 tribes of Israel - how many men "twenty years old or more who were able to serve in the army." Guess what? There were a lot of them. A Lot. 603, 550 to be exact. Then we learn where all 603,550 of these people had their tribal camps. Keep in mind, we're still wandering in the desert. These are not their permanent homes, yet we get a full description of where each tribe camps in relation to the other tribes. Riveting stuff. Then we get descriptions of what each tribe is to carry as they continue to wander the desert. And then we take a census of how many men are in certain tribes. The author throws in a chapter about how to tell if a wife has been unfaithful and then we count some more people. And then, THEN, we get to see what each tribe brings as an offering to God. That goes on for 3 pages. The only thing that was of much significance to me in the first half of this book was the introduction of the priestly blessing. It is one that is used to this day in our church and one that I've always kind of liked myself.
"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace."
the Lord make his face to shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace."
Finally in the second half of this book, we see the Israelites prepare to take occupancy of the promised land - the land that they were promised flowed of milk and honey. In preparing to do this, there were many offerings given. Aaron dies - he angered the Lord a while back and was told he would never enter the land promised to his fathers. The Israelites do battle with many other peoples and defeat them all because God has gone before them. Even with all this proof that God is with them, they are quite the group of complainers. They keep crying out that they were better off in Egypt and why did Moses take them out of that land where they had plenty to eat. Well, apparently their memories were short and warped. They were slaves in Egypt and their lives were pretty miserable back then. So in the desert they complain that they have no food so God sends them manna, which I'm guessing is some sort of grain-based item. Then they complain that all they have to eat is manna and they want something else so God sends them quail - and lots of it. They're never happy.
So, yeah, I see the lesson here. Not so much with all the counting, but here yes, I get it. Humans are never satisfied. I know I'm not. I tell myself, I'll be happy when I buy a house. I buy a house and I'm not happy. I tell myself I'll be happy when I find a way to go to graduate school. I finish graduate school and I'm not happy. I tell myself I'll be happy if I could run a marathon. I run a marathon - heck I run two for good measure - and I'm not happy. You see the pattern here. See, I don' think I'm all that unusual in this respect. I couldn't have accomplished any of those things without God, yet am I satisfied? Do I even bother to thank God for what I've been given? Nope. I'm just worried about what unfulfilled want is next on my list. I think that's human nature. Yet, while I was reading this book, I couldn't help but think how stupid these people are. How could they be so blind to the blessings they've received? It took several days, and a sermon from Pastor Larry, for me to see that I've done the same thing.
The book of Numbers ends with the second census. Back to the counting before we cross into the promised land. Ok - the book actually ends with descriptions of all the places the Israelites camped, in chronological order, no less.
But come on, there was a lot of counting.
So, yeah, I see the lesson here. Not so much with all the counting, but here yes, I get it. Humans are never satisfied. I know I'm not. I tell myself, I'll be happy when I buy a house. I buy a house and I'm not happy. I tell myself I'll be happy when I find a way to go to graduate school. I finish graduate school and I'm not happy. I tell myself I'll be happy if I could run a marathon. I run a marathon - heck I run two for good measure - and I'm not happy. You see the pattern here. See, I don' think I'm all that unusual in this respect. I couldn't have accomplished any of those things without God, yet am I satisfied? Do I even bother to thank God for what I've been given? Nope. I'm just worried about what unfulfilled want is next on my list. I think that's human nature. Yet, while I was reading this book, I couldn't help but think how stupid these people are. How could they be so blind to the blessings they've received? It took several days, and a sermon from Pastor Larry, for me to see that I've done the same thing.
The book of Numbers ends with the second census. Back to the counting before we cross into the promised land. Ok - the book actually ends with descriptions of all the places the Israelites camped, in chronological order, no less.
But come on, there was a lot of counting.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
How Are There Any Animals Left?
It's a good thing that the Bible starts with Genesis and all the interesting stories therein because if it started with Leviticus, nobody would ever read the darn thing. We journalists call this starting with a strong lead. Although we also have the phrase "If it bleeds, it leads" and there's a whole lot of blood in Leviticus so take what you will from that...
As I alluded to above, Leviticus is boring, boring, BORING. As far as I can tell, this book is all about rules. We start off with the rules for offerings. There are many types of offerings: grain, fellowship (also called peace offerings as the footnotes in my Bible tell me repeatedly), sin, guilt and burnt. All these offerings result in slaughtering some sort of large animal and sprinkling their blood on the walls. It made me wonder, if you have to kill an animal every time you make an offering for one reason or another, how were there any animals left to breed? And, their Tabernacle wall must have looked like a Pollack painting after about a week.
There are lots of other rules too. There are rules for what you can eat and what you can't. Have no fear - eating locusts, katydids, crickets and grasshoppers are ok! There are rules for purification after childbirth. You're unclean for twice as long after you have a girl than after you have a boy. There are rules for cleansing oneself after having infectious skin diseases and discharges(I was unlucky enough to be reading that part over lunch...ewww!). There are even rules for cleansing mildew. Who knew I needed a priest to come over and inspect my shower after I finished cleaning it?
There are all sorts of rules about who you can and can't have sex with. That part was rather humorous. Most of these rules were about not having sex with close relatives. And honestly, was bestiality such an issue back then that God had to officially state for the record not to have sex with animals? It is in this section of the Bible that many folks quote a verse saying it is wrong for man to lie with man, thus defending their position that being gay is immoral. But know what? Two pages later this very same book of the Bible says that anyone who curses their mother or father must be put to death. By this literal reading of the Bible, pretty much nobody would live past their teen years. I'm just sayin'.
Then there's a whole section labeled "Various Laws." These laws are many and varied. Some are basic: do not lie, do not steal, do not go about spreading slander. There there are some odd ones: do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. That's really missing out on the wonder of the poly blend, but I digress. The punishments for these types of things generally tend to be death or being cut off from your people. There's also a law that says you are not to put tattoo marks on your body so things aren't looking too good for me here...or for Pastor Becca.
After all the rules we see a rather long list of feasts, which also have some sort of offering, thus endangering more bulls and lambs. These feasts are Sabbath, Passover/Unleavened Bread, Firstfruits, Feast of Weeks, Feast of Trumpets, Day of Atonement, Feast of Tabernacles, Sabbath Year and Year of Jubilee. Honestly, I couldn't tell what goes on during any of these.
I have to say that the God that I'd been reading about in Leviticus is not the God I was brought up knowing. This is a jealous and vengeful God. And I swear a couple of times it seems like Moses had to "talk him down." This has been difficult for me. I thought that reading the entire Bible might help me grow in my faith, but so far it's only tested it more. I wasn't expecting that at all. I find myself questioning lots of things here in the Old Testament. For example, in Lev 24:17, it says, "If anyone takes the life of a human being, he must be put to death." Then 8 verses later God tells the Israelits to stone a blasphemer. So God basically just told them to take a human life. I just don't get it. I really hope that things will come together after a while.
As I alluded to above, Leviticus is boring, boring, BORING. As far as I can tell, this book is all about rules. We start off with the rules for offerings. There are many types of offerings: grain, fellowship (also called peace offerings as the footnotes in my Bible tell me repeatedly), sin, guilt and burnt. All these offerings result in slaughtering some sort of large animal and sprinkling their blood on the walls. It made me wonder, if you have to kill an animal every time you make an offering for one reason or another, how were there any animals left to breed? And, their Tabernacle wall must have looked like a Pollack painting after about a week.
There are lots of other rules too. There are rules for what you can eat and what you can't. Have no fear - eating locusts, katydids, crickets and grasshoppers are ok! There are rules for purification after childbirth. You're unclean for twice as long after you have a girl than after you have a boy. There are rules for cleansing oneself after having infectious skin diseases and discharges(I was unlucky enough to be reading that part over lunch...ewww!). There are even rules for cleansing mildew. Who knew I needed a priest to come over and inspect my shower after I finished cleaning it?
There are all sorts of rules about who you can and can't have sex with. That part was rather humorous. Most of these rules were about not having sex with close relatives. And honestly, was bestiality such an issue back then that God had to officially state for the record not to have sex with animals? It is in this section of the Bible that many folks quote a verse saying it is wrong for man to lie with man, thus defending their position that being gay is immoral. But know what? Two pages later this very same book of the Bible says that anyone who curses their mother or father must be put to death. By this literal reading of the Bible, pretty much nobody would live past their teen years. I'm just sayin'.
Then there's a whole section labeled "Various Laws." These laws are many and varied. Some are basic: do not lie, do not steal, do not go about spreading slander. There there are some odd ones: do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. That's really missing out on the wonder of the poly blend, but I digress. The punishments for these types of things generally tend to be death or being cut off from your people. There's also a law that says you are not to put tattoo marks on your body so things aren't looking too good for me here...or for Pastor Becca.
After all the rules we see a rather long list of feasts, which also have some sort of offering, thus endangering more bulls and lambs. These feasts are Sabbath, Passover/Unleavened Bread, Firstfruits, Feast of Weeks, Feast of Trumpets, Day of Atonement, Feast of Tabernacles, Sabbath Year and Year of Jubilee. Honestly, I couldn't tell what goes on during any of these.
I have to say that the God that I'd been reading about in Leviticus is not the God I was brought up knowing. This is a jealous and vengeful God. And I swear a couple of times it seems like Moses had to "talk him down." This has been difficult for me. I thought that reading the entire Bible might help me grow in my faith, but so far it's only tested it more. I wasn't expecting that at all. I find myself questioning lots of things here in the Old Testament. For example, in Lev 24:17, it says, "If anyone takes the life of a human being, he must be put to death." Then 8 verses later God tells the Israelits to stone a blasphemer. So God basically just told them to take a human life. I just don't get it. I really hope that things will come together after a while.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Trapeze Act
At this morning's church service, our pastor preached the first sermon on our Bible in 90 Days assigned reading. I was anxious to listen to a sermon for which I had read everything it was based on. I might actually know what was going on the ENTIRE time. The sermon focused on Abraham and his story, which is not something I focused on all that much. I guess that confirms my hunch that I would not a good Biblical scholar make.
Abraham's story is one of taking a leap of faith - having faith that God would come through with unimaginable things he had promised him. Pastor Becca compared this leap of faith to a circus trapeze act. She said that taking that leap of faith had (big surprise) 3 parts: letting go, waiting, and being caught.
We're in the first sermon of this new series and I'm already caught up on the first point - letting go. Letting go requires relinquishing control. This is not something I do well. I'm a planner. If I didn't do something, it surely can't have been done right.
Letting go also requires trust. This is something I'm even worse at than relinquishing control. I don't trust people with the details of my life, with how I'm really feeling or even with invading my physical space by touching me. Past histories with various people in my life have taught me these lessons. And while I know this is a less than ideal way to live, it's the way it has to be for me. For now.
But this morning as I was listening to the sermon, it hit me that maybe the way I live my daily life is also the way I live my spiritual life. I mentioned that I had never really had a desire to go deeper with my faith. Could that be because I don't fully trust God either? That sounds so blasphemous and maybe that's why I never really thought too much about it before. Can you even be a Christian if you don't trust God?
I want to be able to let go. I do. For one, it's exhausting trying to be in control of everything all the time. Also, I think humans are meant to be interdependent on one another as it leads to such a richer life experience. I'm not sure how to learn to let go but maybe knowing where you need to go is the first step...and I'm not as much of a lost cause as I thought I was. If I learn to trust God, maybe trusting people will come next.
For now I'm too afraid of waiting to be caught.
Abraham's story is one of taking a leap of faith - having faith that God would come through with unimaginable things he had promised him. Pastor Becca compared this leap of faith to a circus trapeze act. She said that taking that leap of faith had (big surprise) 3 parts: letting go, waiting, and being caught.
We're in the first sermon of this new series and I'm already caught up on the first point - letting go. Letting go requires relinquishing control. This is not something I do well. I'm a planner. If I didn't do something, it surely can't have been done right.
Letting go also requires trust. This is something I'm even worse at than relinquishing control. I don't trust people with the details of my life, with how I'm really feeling or even with invading my physical space by touching me. Past histories with various people in my life have taught me these lessons. And while I know this is a less than ideal way to live, it's the way it has to be for me. For now.
But this morning as I was listening to the sermon, it hit me that maybe the way I live my daily life is also the way I live my spiritual life. I mentioned that I had never really had a desire to go deeper with my faith. Could that be because I don't fully trust God either? That sounds so blasphemous and maybe that's why I never really thought too much about it before. Can you even be a Christian if you don't trust God?
I want to be able to let go. I do. For one, it's exhausting trying to be in control of everything all the time. Also, I think humans are meant to be interdependent on one another as it leads to such a richer life experience. I'm not sure how to learn to let go but maybe knowing where you need to go is the first step...and I'm not as much of a lost cause as I thought I was. If I learn to trust God, maybe trusting people will come next.
For now I'm too afraid of waiting to be caught.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Follow the Guy With the Staff
Genesis packed quite a punch. There was lots of action - creation, the fall of man, a big flood and Broadway-musical-inspiring-guy with a colorful coat. Can Exodus live up to its predecessor? The answer to that would be, "Not quite."
Exodus starts off on a pretty interesting note - we see that the Egyptians are becoming leery because the Israelites that live among them are freakishly fertile. So the pyramid builders decide they'll kill all the boys born to these uber-reproducers. But one particularly cleaver woman put her "fine" son in a basket and hide him among the reeds near the river. Long story short - Pharaoh's daughter finds the tyke, names him Moses (Hebrew for "draw out," by the way) and raises him as her own. Some stuff happens, Moses kills an Egyptian at some point and doesn't get punished, yadda, yadda, yadda. Fast forward many years and Moses decides to investigate an oddly burning bush and basically meets God. God tells him that he has been chosen to lead his people out of Egypt.
God decides that he's going to make sure the Egyptians won't allow the Israelites leave. Which leads to a pretty odd scenario considering several years prior the Egyptians tried to basically exterminate this group. I don't think the Bible ever really explains why God wanted to make it this hard on his chosen people. Maybe it does and I missed it? Whatever the reason, it illustrates the actions of a a Pharaoh that is even more stubborn than I've been known to be. It took 10 different plagues on his people before he finally let Moses' people go. We then learn the origin of Passover: the chosen people put blood over their doorways as a way to separate them from the Egyptians so that the plague of the unborn doesn't bother them. God causes this plague to "pass over" these houses. Which makes me wonder - didn't they have to suffer the other nine plagues, even though they were innocent?
Now that the Israelites are free to go, they follow Moses into the desert. But once again, the Egyptians feel the need to keep them around so they follow the wandering group. They catch up to them only to have their efforts thwarted when Moses uses his handy dandy staff (which has already turned into a snake a couple times) and parts the Red Sea for his followers but not for the unfortunate Egyptians following them in their chariots. Those poor suckers drowned when the waters un-parted.
Safely free of their previous captors, the Israelites now have time to listen to some instructions from God, via Moses, via Aaron. These instructions are the 10 Commandments. The thing I took note of here is that, in at least the NIV version of the Bible, the Commandments aren't numbered. Is it possible that God listed them in no particular order and man interpreted the the order? You always hear people say stuff like, "The 4th Commandment says to keep the Sabbath holy." But then God also dictates a bunch of other rules regarding personal injuries, protection of property, social justice and some other stuff. Why are these never considered in the same league as the "big ten" that we hear so much about?
And that's where the action seems to come to an abrupt halt.
That's pretty much all I can tell that happens in Exodus. The next 15 chapters of this book go on to laboriously explain how to construct the Tabernacle, design the priests' outfits and consecrate the priests.
Full disclosure, I skimmed that last part so I wouldn't call on me to make your next Tabernacle.
Exodus starts off on a pretty interesting note - we see that the Egyptians are becoming leery because the Israelites that live among them are freakishly fertile. So the pyramid builders decide they'll kill all the boys born to these uber-reproducers. But one particularly cleaver woman put her "fine" son in a basket and hide him among the reeds near the river. Long story short - Pharaoh's daughter finds the tyke, names him Moses (Hebrew for "draw out," by the way) and raises him as her own. Some stuff happens, Moses kills an Egyptian at some point and doesn't get punished, yadda, yadda, yadda. Fast forward many years and Moses decides to investigate an oddly burning bush and basically meets God. God tells him that he has been chosen to lead his people out of Egypt.
God decides that he's going to make sure the Egyptians won't allow the Israelites leave. Which leads to a pretty odd scenario considering several years prior the Egyptians tried to basically exterminate this group. I don't think the Bible ever really explains why God wanted to make it this hard on his chosen people. Maybe it does and I missed it? Whatever the reason, it illustrates the actions of a a Pharaoh that is even more stubborn than I've been known to be. It took 10 different plagues on his people before he finally let Moses' people go. We then learn the origin of Passover: the chosen people put blood over their doorways as a way to separate them from the Egyptians so that the plague of the unborn doesn't bother them. God causes this plague to "pass over" these houses. Which makes me wonder - didn't they have to suffer the other nine plagues, even though they were innocent?
Now that the Israelites are free to go, they follow Moses into the desert. But once again, the Egyptians feel the need to keep them around so they follow the wandering group. They catch up to them only to have their efforts thwarted when Moses uses his handy dandy staff (which has already turned into a snake a couple times) and parts the Red Sea for his followers but not for the unfortunate Egyptians following them in their chariots. Those poor suckers drowned when the waters un-parted.
Safely free of their previous captors, the Israelites now have time to listen to some instructions from God, via Moses, via Aaron. These instructions are the 10 Commandments. The thing I took note of here is that, in at least the NIV version of the Bible, the Commandments aren't numbered. Is it possible that God listed them in no particular order and man interpreted the the order? You always hear people say stuff like, "The 4th Commandment says to keep the Sabbath holy." But then God also dictates a bunch of other rules regarding personal injuries, protection of property, social justice and some other stuff. Why are these never considered in the same league as the "big ten" that we hear so much about?
And that's where the action seems to come to an abrupt halt.
That's pretty much all I can tell that happens in Exodus. The next 15 chapters of this book go on to laboriously explain how to construct the Tabernacle, design the priests' outfits and consecrate the priests.
Full disclosure, I skimmed that last part so I wouldn't call on me to make your next Tabernacle.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
In the Beginning...a lot happened!
I've complete 4 days of reading now. I've actually finished the entire book of Genesis. I've never read a complete book of the Bible before. That's actually pretty cool once I stop to think about it. My giddiness quickly turns to my standard state of pessimism when I realize I have 65 more books to go.
So here's what I've learned so far:
1) I've already used up my limited amount of Old Testament knowledge. Growing up, I learned your basic Bible stories in Sunday school and Bible school but you know what? All that stuff happens in basically the first 12 pages of the Bible. My first day of reading covered creation, Adam and Eve (and that pesky snake), Cain and Abel, Noah and his big boat, Lot and his sodium-heavy wife and why Jewish guys get circumcised. That's a lot of information! After all that, I still have 795 pages of the Old Testament to cover. I wonder what else is in there 'cause I'm pretty sure this is all I ever learned to this point.
2) Apparently, it was common practice in those days to pretend your beautiful wife is your sister so the rulers of foreign countries don't kill you. Seriously. This has happened more than once so far in my readings. But here's the deal, God always lets the ruler of said foreign land know the truth, which scares the bejezus out of the ruler and usually ends up giving the husband his wife back, plus some shekels. This may or may not happen after he's slept with her and produced an heir.
3) Life expectancy plummets after the flood. Adam, he of the apple-eating controversy, lived 930 years. His son Seth lived 912 years. Seth's son Enosh lived 905 years. Enosh's son Kenan lived 910 years. Kenan's son Mahalalel lived 895 years. Mahalalel's son Jared lived 962 years (he must have worked out). And so on it goes for several generations. Methuselah wins the prize though. That guy lived 969 years. Side note: now I understand my mom's lovely down-home expression - "She's as old as Methuselah!" Now along comes Noah and the flood that wipes out humanity. But here's the rub: Noah lived 950 years but his direct descendants didn't fare quite so well. Shem only got 500 years, Eber only 430and Reu and Peleg only 209 and 207 years respectively. After that most men only tend to get in the range of 130 - 150 years. Now this might not be the most important aspect of what I read, but I couldn't help but wonder what happened there. I'm pretty sure fast food hadn't come into the picture yet so what's the deal here?
4) There's a lot of incest in the Old Testament. It always involves drinking much wine so I guess times haven't changed all that much. So to all those right-wing, conservative, holier-than-thou nut jobs out there who want to ban books like To Kill a Mockingbird or Tom Sawyer I say this: "Have you read the Bible lately?"
5) I think I learned where the word sodomy comes from. Those dudes that lived in Sodom were freaky!
6) Jacob was renamed by God and given the name Israel. His descendants were the Israelites. Ok, so most 10-year-olds who DON'T skip Sunday school probably already know this but I had no idea. NO. IDEA.
So that's what I've covered so far. I've learned more about the Bible in the last 4 days than I did in my entire confirmation class. I've just started Exodus and it's not too bad so far, but I hear Leviticus, which comes after that, can be a little dry. Guess I won't recommend that one for book club.
So here's what I've learned so far:
1) I've already used up my limited amount of Old Testament knowledge. Growing up, I learned your basic Bible stories in Sunday school and Bible school but you know what? All that stuff happens in basically the first 12 pages of the Bible. My first day of reading covered creation, Adam and Eve (and that pesky snake), Cain and Abel, Noah and his big boat, Lot and his sodium-heavy wife and why Jewish guys get circumcised. That's a lot of information! After all that, I still have 795 pages of the Old Testament to cover. I wonder what else is in there 'cause I'm pretty sure this is all I ever learned to this point.
2) Apparently, it was common practice in those days to pretend your beautiful wife is your sister so the rulers of foreign countries don't kill you. Seriously. This has happened more than once so far in my readings. But here's the deal, God always lets the ruler of said foreign land know the truth, which scares the bejezus out of the ruler and usually ends up giving the husband his wife back, plus some shekels. This may or may not happen after he's slept with her and produced an heir.
3) Life expectancy plummets after the flood. Adam, he of the apple-eating controversy, lived 930 years. His son Seth lived 912 years. Seth's son Enosh lived 905 years. Enosh's son Kenan lived 910 years. Kenan's son Mahalalel lived 895 years. Mahalalel's son Jared lived 962 years (he must have worked out). And so on it goes for several generations. Methuselah wins the prize though. That guy lived 969 years. Side note: now I understand my mom's lovely down-home expression - "She's as old as Methuselah!" Now along comes Noah and the flood that wipes out humanity. But here's the rub: Noah lived 950 years but his direct descendants didn't fare quite so well. Shem only got 500 years, Eber only 430and Reu and Peleg only 209 and 207 years respectively. After that most men only tend to get in the range of 130 - 150 years. Now this might not be the most important aspect of what I read, but I couldn't help but wonder what happened there. I'm pretty sure fast food hadn't come into the picture yet so what's the deal here?
4) There's a lot of incest in the Old Testament. It always involves drinking much wine so I guess times haven't changed all that much. So to all those right-wing, conservative, holier-than-thou nut jobs out there who want to ban books like To Kill a Mockingbird or Tom Sawyer I say this: "Have you read the Bible lately?"
5) I think I learned where the word sodomy comes from. Those dudes that lived in Sodom were freaky!
6) Jacob was renamed by God and given the name Israel. His descendants were the Israelites. Ok, so most 10-year-olds who DON'T skip Sunday school probably already know this but I had no idea. NO. IDEA.
So that's what I've covered so far. I've learned more about the Bible in the last 4 days than I did in my entire confirmation class. I've just started Exodus and it's not too bad so far, but I hear Leviticus, which comes after that, can be a little dry. Guess I won't recommend that one for book club.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Reality Sets In
It's been barely 48 hours since I committed to reading the Bible in 90 days and I'm already wondering if I made a mistake. Pretty much anyone I've told about this task is completely surprised I'm doing it and I think most of them have doubts I'll be successful - myself included. Why am I having such an extreme reaction to committing to something I'll be doing by myself in the privacy of my own life?
I've taken on several other major challenges in the recent past and didn't have a doubt about it after I decided. Graduate school, studying business no less, was a huge undertaking and didn't provoke this kind of second-guessing. Running a marathon, which less than 1% of the world's population has successfully done, did not elicit this kind of reaction from me once I registered. Something else is definitely going on here. Will I be able to confront it?
I'm definitely not the touchy-feely type of person. My default emotion is anger. If you hug me, you'll likely get a stiff body in response. Could it be that I'm afraid that by doing this, I will tap into an emotion I am not comfortable with? Or what if I complete this entire endeavor and find myself not changed at all? Which is worse?
Oh man, what have I done?
I've taken on several other major challenges in the recent past and didn't have a doubt about it after I decided. Graduate school, studying business no less, was a huge undertaking and didn't provoke this kind of second-guessing. Running a marathon, which less than 1% of the world's population has successfully done, did not elicit this kind of reaction from me once I registered. Something else is definitely going on here. Will I be able to confront it?
I'm definitely not the touchy-feely type of person. My default emotion is anger. If you hug me, you'll likely get a stiff body in response. Could it be that I'm afraid that by doing this, I will tap into an emotion I am not comfortable with? Or what if I complete this entire endeavor and find myself not changed at all? Which is worse?
Oh man, what have I done?
Monday, January 3, 2011
Committed
Today I did something I never imagined I would ever do. I committed to reading the Bible in 90 days. We're talking from "In the beginning"... to "Amen" and everything in between. Even the begats (though Pastor Becca assures me I can skim over those parts). People who figure out these types of things tell me that reading the Bible in 90 days works out to about 12 pages a day. I'll take their word for it - math has never been my strong suit.
You're doing what?
A brilliant woman I know suggested that I take this task on to challenge myself and to write about my experiences. So that is what I am going to do. From January 10 until April 7, I'll be reading the Bible and writing about my experience - what I learned & what impact it has on my life. Though I'm serious about taking on this endeavor, I plan to have fun with it and hope to see the humor in it too.
Why?
I did grow up in the church but I'm far from the Biblical scholar type. Sure, I served as president of the youth group while I was in high school, but I also was known to skip Sunday School by hiding out in the bathroom after my parents dropped me off. As you can see, I'm not exactly the read-the-Bible-from-cover-to-cover" sort of gal. So why did I decide to do it? That is a good question and one I'm still trying to figure out.
I am a competitive person. This is no secret. If someone I know has a convincing argument, I can surely come up with an even more convincing counter argument. If someone runs a 5k, I can run a 10k. And on and on it goes. (It's also been rumored that I threw the sand timer from a board game when my partner wasn't taking the competition seriously enough - but I refuse to confirm the validity of that story.) So when over 100 people at my church decided to take on this challenge, I have no doubt that spurred me on to consider taking on the challenge as well. After all, if they can do it, so can I.
Everyone who knows me (and even, apparently, those that don't) also know that I'm an achievement-driven person. My purpose in life is to achieve things. I'm not happy if I'm not achieving something. I don't like my life any other time as much as I do when I'm achieving something. See the theme here? I guess in my twisted mind, my self-worth comes from my achievements. So I guess that could be one explanation of why I decided to do this. But that caused me some concern. If I was taking on this task purely as a way of improving my self-esteem, of checking off some other thing as accomplished, would I get anything out of the experience?
Maybe I just needed "something" in my life. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to look closer at my faith. I've never really gone much below the surface level in my faith and I liked it that way. I went to church, I prayed, I worked with the youth, but I never felt the need to go much deeper. I don't know if reading the Bible will do that for me...but maybe it will and maybe it's time.
So I don't know if any of these are the reasons I've taken on the Bible in 90 days. I suspect it is probably a combination of all these and some things I'm not aware of just yet. But I guess that's the beauty of a challenge like this. Sometimes you don't know what you need until you finally find it.
You're doing what?
A brilliant woman I know suggested that I take this task on to challenge myself and to write about my experiences. So that is what I am going to do. From January 10 until April 7, I'll be reading the Bible and writing about my experience - what I learned & what impact it has on my life. Though I'm serious about taking on this endeavor, I plan to have fun with it and hope to see the humor in it too.
Why?
I did grow up in the church but I'm far from the Biblical scholar type. Sure, I served as president of the youth group while I was in high school, but I also was known to skip Sunday School by hiding out in the bathroom after my parents dropped me off. As you can see, I'm not exactly the read-the-Bible-from-cover-to-cover" sort of gal. So why did I decide to do it? That is a good question and one I'm still trying to figure out.
I am a competitive person. This is no secret. If someone I know has a convincing argument, I can surely come up with an even more convincing counter argument. If someone runs a 5k, I can run a 10k. And on and on it goes. (It's also been rumored that I threw the sand timer from a board game when my partner wasn't taking the competition seriously enough - but I refuse to confirm the validity of that story.) So when over 100 people at my church decided to take on this challenge, I have no doubt that spurred me on to consider taking on the challenge as well. After all, if they can do it, so can I.
Everyone who knows me (and even, apparently, those that don't) also know that I'm an achievement-driven person. My purpose in life is to achieve things. I'm not happy if I'm not achieving something. I don't like my life any other time as much as I do when I'm achieving something. See the theme here? I guess in my twisted mind, my self-worth comes from my achievements. So I guess that could be one explanation of why I decided to do this. But that caused me some concern. If I was taking on this task purely as a way of improving my self-esteem, of checking off some other thing as accomplished, would I get anything out of the experience?
Maybe I just needed "something" in my life. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to look closer at my faith. I've never really gone much below the surface level in my faith and I liked it that way. I went to church, I prayed, I worked with the youth, but I never felt the need to go much deeper. I don't know if reading the Bible will do that for me...but maybe it will and maybe it's time.
So I don't know if any of these are the reasons I've taken on the Bible in 90 days. I suspect it is probably a combination of all these and some things I'm not aware of just yet. But I guess that's the beauty of a challenge like this. Sometimes you don't know what you need until you finally find it.
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