I belive! Help my unbelief.

After struggling with my reading for several weeks, I finally found the guts to voice my concerns in email to Pastor Becca. I went back and forth being angry and feeling guilty about being angry so I confided in Becca to see if she had any thoughts.

This is basically what Becca had to say:

A couple of thoughts…
You make an absolutely vital point when you say:

"It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard?"

It IS unfair how it seems in the Old Testament how God gives grace to some and not others. The hard-to-understand truth about our faith is that we CAN'T earn God's favor. David didn't deserve it. Neither did Uzzah. Or any of them. Why God chooses some over others in the Old Testament is completely beyond our understanding, but even that is an act of extreme grace. Not a one of them deserved to be chosen. It was simply by God's undeserved grace.

But lest we get too upset over the unfairness of it all, we have to remember that the God we're reading about in the Old Testament is the same God whom we read about in the New… the God "who so loved the world that He sent his only son, that whosoever believes in him might have everlasting life."

God's intention, starting all the way back in the beginning, is that the whole world would be chosen, favored, saved. I don't claim to understand God's methods all the time, but I believe in the motive.

In the Gospels, there's a story of a man who comes to Jesus and asks him to heal one of his family members. Jesus gets a little frustrated in response because so many people have been asking for miracles, wanting Jesus to prove his power. And Jesus remarks about how little faith the people have. And the man falls down on his knees and says, "I believe! Help my unbelief."

That's a prayer I pray often. I believe. Help my unbelief. And I would encourage you to pray in that direction too. Think about the things you DO believe. Hold on to those things. And ask God to help you understand and believe in the things that you're not so sure about right now.

Though I've been a Christian my entire life, I never went beneath the surface much - that's how I like things. This exercise, though, has forced me to have to examine my faith in a different way and I wasn't prepared for that.