The Real Challenge

When I embarked on this reading the Bible in 90 days things, I thought the biggest challenge was going to be finding the time to read 1048 pages in 90 days. I was wrong. It turns out the bigger challenge for me is dealing with the content of what I'm reading.

I haven't written anything recently because I'm having a hard time consolidating the God I thought I knew growing up with the God I'm reading about in the Old Testament. I've struggled with our readings almost from day 1. I've never really read the Bible at all before so it's virtually all new to me. I've found that this reading is challenging my faith more than strengthening it. Intellectually, I know that I cannot not judge what is "right" and what isn't, but I find myself angry after reading almost every day.

I get that David is an example of how God loves us even though we are flawed. What I don't get is why some people are not only forgiven for huge transgressions, but are also exalted despite them while others seem to be punished for much less. Aaron's sons are example - their mistake seemed minor and they were immediately struck down. Moses was faithful in almost everything he did yet was not allowed in the promised land. This guy Uzzah in 1 Chron 13 merely touched the Ark to prevent it from falling of an ox and he was struck dead immediately. It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard? I keep thinking that something will happen that will make me feel better about this but now that I'm halfway through the Bible and nothing has changed, I feel a little lost.

Is my reaction common with people reading the Bible the first time? Or maybe my faith isn't strong enough at this point to get something out of reading the Bible? I feel bad about being so angry about the reading but I can't help my reaction. I never would have guessed that the hardest part about reading the Bible wouldn't be the time commitment, but what I was learning.