The Trapeze Act

At this morning's church service, our pastor preached the first sermon on our Bible in 90 Days assigned reading. I was anxious to listen to a sermon for which I had read everything it was based on. I might actually know what was going on the ENTIRE time. The sermon focused on Abraham and his story, which is not something I focused on all that much. I guess that confirms my hunch that I would not a good Biblical scholar make.

Abraham's story is one of taking a leap of faith - having faith that God would come through with unimaginable things he had promised him. Pastor Becca compared this leap of faith to a circus trapeze act. She said that taking that leap of faith had (big surprise) 3 parts: letting go, waiting, and being caught.

We're in the first sermon of this new series and I'm already caught up on the first point - letting go. Letting go requires relinquishing control. This is not something I do well. I'm a planner. If I didn't do something, it surely can't have been done right.

Letting go also requires trust. This is something I'm even worse at than relinquishing control. I don't trust people with the details of my life, with how I'm really feeling or even with invading my physical space by touching me. Past histories with various people in my life have taught me these lessons. And while I know this is a less than ideal way to live, it's the way it has to be for me. For now.

But this morning as I was listening to the sermon, it hit me that maybe the way I live my daily life is also the way I live my spiritual life. I mentioned that I had never really had a desire to go deeper with my faith. Could that be because I don't fully trust God either? That sounds so blasphemous and maybe that's why I never really thought too much about it before. Can you even be a Christian if you don't trust God?

I want to be able to let go. I do. For one, it's exhausting trying to be in control of everything all the time. Also, I think humans are meant to be interdependent on one another as it leads to such a richer life experience. I'm not sure how to learn to let go but maybe knowing where you need to go is the first step...and I'm not as much of a lost cause as I thought I was. If I learn to trust God, maybe trusting people will come next.

For now I'm too afraid of waiting to be caught.