Now on to the Good Stuff?

I have now finished reading the entire Old Testament - and in 60 days flat. (It should be noted that the reading plan called for 68 days but as I've pointed out before, I'm a bit of an over achiever.) I'm so relieved to be done with the OT. As I mentioned a time or two, I did not enjoy it. Sure, there are a lots of genealogies, endless measurements using cubits and shekels, and the constant referring to of women as either prostitutes or quarrelsome wives, but I could get past all that.

The bigger issue for me was the picture of God that we get in the Old Testament. Why do some people get grace and others don't? What can the average person do to ensure that he or she is chosen, favored, saved or even tolerated by God? I've written about specific examples before and I'm not going to rehash that, but the point is, reading the Old Testament has challenged my faith.

When I started this endeavor, I didn't think it would change my life much in any way. If it did somehow change something, I assumed it would make my faith grow, become stronger. I did not anticipate the anger and disappointment I experienced when I really learned, as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest of the story." And with that anger and disappointment comes guilt. I feel guilty about being disrespectful to God. It seems blasphemous.

But here's the deal: apparently challenging your faith can be a good thing. Examining what you believe and why can apparently make your faith stronger in the end. A wise person recently put it in terms I could understand. She said "If you keep running the same distance and the same pace, you're never going run any farther or faster. If you challenge yourself, it'll suck for a while. It will hurt. But you'll be stronger and faster in the long run."

Ok. I get it. But that doesn't mean I'm not still hoping the "good stuff" is coming in the New Testament.

Being a Prophet is Thankless Work

I'm starting to feel like I'm back in graduate school. There's always "homework" hanging over my head these days. Every day, I have to plan my day around when I can get my 12 pages of reading done. If I know I have plans after work, I try to read over lunch. If I know I have lunch plans, I get up early and read before work. That blows, by the way. I am so not a morning person - but I digress. The really fun days are those in which something happens I hadn't prepared for in advance and I have to scramble to find a suitable reading time replacement. And I only have my own schedule to arrange. I can't imagine how people with small children are doing this, but I give them props.

Though I complain from time to time about getting all this reading done in a short span of time, I can at least thank my lucky stars that I am not a prophet. Those poor dudes had it rough. I didn't even know there was a section of the Bible devoted to prophets but I've spent the last 180 or so pages reading about them (and still have more to go) and have learned a couple things about being a prophet:

1) They have a lot of scary-ass visions. It'd be enough to make me not want to sleep again for the rest of my natural life.
2) The messages they communicated with the people fell on deaf ears.
Every.
Time.
It's amazing they had the tenacity to keep trying to reach these "stiff necked" people. You gotta give 'em credit for trying.
3) When someone really doesn't want to hear their message, they should be afraid. Very afraid. Prophesying the truth landed them in jail and sometimes worse. Turns out, if you're the king and you don't like what the prophet says, you just kill the messenger. Literally.

In a recent sermon, Pastor Becca said that the prophets are sometimes described as the manic, the depressive and the chaotic. I'd not really realized it at the time (my mind tended to wander a bit during the prophets) but that's a pretty good description. Isaiah was very, um, high energy. Jeremiah was very "woe is me, woe is you, woe are we." And I think Ezekiel was in need of some lithium. The one thing they all had in common, though, was their purpose. God chose them to try to reach God's people - to tell them to stop screwing up or they were going to be screwed. Well, I think we all know what happened.

And then there's Daniel. I like Daniel. He too has scary-ass visions but he seems different from the previous 3 guys. I don't know why. Daniel seems like a good guy. His faith never wavered and so far he hasn't killed the husband of a woman he slept with so already I like him much better than David. In any event, I can tell that we're definitely building up to something by this point in the Bible. I'm ready for it.

I'm ready to start reading about the God I know.

The Original Nagging Wife

Seeing as how I was not unduly impressed with Psalms (blasphemy!), I was ready to move on. I'd never really thought about Proverbs much. Now I know why. This book seems to be basically a list of advice, except very little of it makes sense today. I'm sure these proverbs were wise words of wisdom that meant a lot to people 2000 or so years ago, but frankly, I didn't get the gist most of the time. That's not to say there weren't some proverbs that I took note of, marked and thought I might go back to later.

Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may ache..."
Proverbs 16:31 "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life."
Proverbs 27:19 "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."

Some were just funny...
Proverbs 25:17 "Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house - too much of you, and he will hate you."

But the thing I remember most is how much attention is given to the nagging wife. I thought the idea of the nagging wife was invented by the modern comedian - the type who's bread and butter was "Take my wife...please!" Turns out though, even in the Bible the wife gets a bad rap.

Proverbs 18:13 "A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping."
Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."
Proverbs 25:24 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
Proverbs 27:15 "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind and grasping oil with the hand."

Really? I have some news for the husbands back in the day. I'm sure sharing a life with a long-bearded, wine-drinking, sheep-smelling guy like you isn't all roses either. But telling you that would most definitely make me a quarrelsome wife.

So long story...really long story...short, reading Proverbs beginning to end was not exactly riveting reading. (Oddly enough, some times it seemed like I was reading Benjamins Franklin's writing on virtues.) But when I go back and look through the book again though, I do find some hidden gems.


I guess when you're so ferociously focused on an end goal (reading the entire Bible in 90 days) you risk missing out on the experience.

Am I Missing Something?

I've often heard that people really like the Psalms. Many people have a favorite or two - a Psalm that helps them remember what's important, gets them through the rough stuff, or helps them appreciate the good stuff. So as I was preparing to read the Book of Psalms, I was ready to find my favorites.

Do you know what I found? Nothing.

Not one Psalm spoke to me all that much. The discussion guide I bought to along with my reading said I should take note of Psalms that speak to me so I can refer back to them later when I need them or want to explore them more deeply. (We're on a tight reading time frame here - no time to think too much.) There was nothing I really felt I wanted to go back to. In Psalm 37, there was a line that jumped out to me and I underlined it, but it seemed more like a reminder than anything I wanted to ruminate on much. Most people that know me know that I'm quick to anger, so verse 8 that says "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil," was a nice reminder but not much more than that.

I guess I'm hard-hearted. Seriously - nothing in these 78 pages spoke to me? Some people have such emotional reactions to the Psalms, and granted, I'm not much of an emotional person, but nothing? Really?

Halfway There

I have now read half of the Bible. Let's just take a second and think about that for minute. Impressed? Me too.

I never in my life thought I would ever do this. And while that's a lofty accomplishment, it's not enough. I WILL complete this challenge. I WILL read then entire Bible in 90 days (or less - I've always been a bit of an overachiever you know). Despite the hard realities that this exercise has forced me to face and the fact that it brings up some of my own personal demons, I will be successful. I might not have any answers to the questions it brings up. I may not have the big "aha" moment or insights I thought about when I started, but I WILL do this.

Who knows - this may be the groundwork I need to accept things that come my way later in life. Though this exercise has unexpectedly challenged my faith, I still believe that God has a plan for me and maybe my reading the entire Bible will allow that plan to come to fruition...someday.

I belive! Help my unbelief.

After struggling with my reading for several weeks, I finally found the guts to voice my concerns in email to Pastor Becca. I went back and forth being angry and feeling guilty about being angry so I confided in Becca to see if she had any thoughts.

This is basically what Becca had to say:

A couple of thoughts…
You make an absolutely vital point when you say:

"It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard?"

It IS unfair how it seems in the Old Testament how God gives grace to some and not others. The hard-to-understand truth about our faith is that we CAN'T earn God's favor. David didn't deserve it. Neither did Uzzah. Or any of them. Why God chooses some over others in the Old Testament is completely beyond our understanding, but even that is an act of extreme grace. Not a one of them deserved to be chosen. It was simply by God's undeserved grace.

But lest we get too upset over the unfairness of it all, we have to remember that the God we're reading about in the Old Testament is the same God whom we read about in the New… the God "who so loved the world that He sent his only son, that whosoever believes in him might have everlasting life."

God's intention, starting all the way back in the beginning, is that the whole world would be chosen, favored, saved. I don't claim to understand God's methods all the time, but I believe in the motive.

In the Gospels, there's a story of a man who comes to Jesus and asks him to heal one of his family members. Jesus gets a little frustrated in response because so many people have been asking for miracles, wanting Jesus to prove his power. And Jesus remarks about how little faith the people have. And the man falls down on his knees and says, "I believe! Help my unbelief."

That's a prayer I pray often. I believe. Help my unbelief. And I would encourage you to pray in that direction too. Think about the things you DO believe. Hold on to those things. And ask God to help you understand and believe in the things that you're not so sure about right now.

Though I've been a Christian my entire life, I never went beneath the surface much - that's how I like things. This exercise, though, has forced me to have to examine my faith in a different way and I wasn't prepared for that.

The Real Challenge

When I embarked on this reading the Bible in 90 days things, I thought the biggest challenge was going to be finding the time to read 1048 pages in 90 days. I was wrong. It turns out the bigger challenge for me is dealing with the content of what I'm reading.

I haven't written anything recently because I'm having a hard time consolidating the God I thought I knew growing up with the God I'm reading about in the Old Testament. I've struggled with our readings almost from day 1. I've never really read the Bible at all before so it's virtually all new to me. I've found that this reading is challenging my faith more than strengthening it. Intellectually, I know that I cannot not judge what is "right" and what isn't, but I find myself angry after reading almost every day.

I get that David is an example of how God loves us even though we are flawed. What I don't get is why some people are not only forgiven for huge transgressions, but are also exalted despite them while others seem to be punished for much less. Aaron's sons are example - their mistake seemed minor and they were immediately struck down. Moses was faithful in almost everything he did yet was not allowed in the promised land. This guy Uzzah in 1 Chron 13 merely touched the Ark to prevent it from falling of an ox and he was struck dead immediately. It almost makes me think that if God is picking who is favored and who isn't despite what one does, what is the point in trying so hard? I keep thinking that something will happen that will make me feel better about this but now that I'm halfway through the Bible and nothing has changed, I feel a little lost.

Is my reaction common with people reading the Bible the first time? Or maybe my faith isn't strong enough at this point to get something out of reading the Bible? I feel bad about being so angry about the reading but I can't help my reaction. I never would have guessed that the hardest part about reading the Bible wouldn't be the time commitment, but what I was learning.